Sunday, January 23, 2011

Boys will be boys - In one of the funniest pranks anyone in this part of Europe has seen in quite a while, the Grand Duck (sic) of Ardoberg-Holstein has flummoxed our good and great king into believing the two nations were at war. The incessant braying and sabre-rattling was this time accompanied by sufficient troop movements along the border to produce consternation in the Winter court at Olivier. The 1st battalion Navarre and the Arquebusiers de Bergerac were immediately dispatched to investigate and discovered a paltry brigade of the rambunctious cabbage-eaters whooping it up with vast quantities of the local spirits, collecting filthy French postcards, playing five-card whist, and other forms of debauchery.
Our valiant men-at-arms escorted the boisterous, if otherwise comical, reprobates back to their own land, hoping to discover their mothers for a good and necessary scolding. "Ah, the joke was on me," exclaimed His Majesty. "for a moment, I really thought we were being invaided."

Here, in pictures from left to right and top to bottom, we see the hilarious mob of Ardobergers pretending to surround the town of Cezanne with His majesty's troops ensconced within. After several hours of artillery noise-making, the colonel of Navarre, Alain d' Anjou
rode out to complain about the noise at which point the tutonic commander, whose name escapes me, begged forgiveness and led his troops back to the border.
In a related story, Col. d'Anjou has formally requested that the raucous pranksters return his sword.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

A Retraction Demanded - His Majesty de St. Maurice has, in the past, been willing to accept the frequent diatribes of that primer of modern literary journalism, The Ardoberg Inquirer. One reading of this incipient rag, with it's articles often written in crayon and paint-by-numbers illustrations, is usually enough to relegate such writings to the bottom of the bird cage as it was designed. The current edition, however, is more than even a benevolent soul such as His Majesty can sustain.
To suggest that a simple cooperative military exercise between two such staunch and lasting friends as the St. Maurician monarchy and the Ducky of Ardoberg and Holstein might in fact be a successful invasion attempt is simply outrageous. An inquiry into the history of such invasions in the past will show just how absurd this declaration might be. No previous military incursion into our happy little kingdom has succeeded past the first outbreak of French cuisine on German digestive tracts, at which point the Ardobergers make tracks for the first tutonic privy.

In an unrelated story; the sale of filthy French postcards in the province of Cezanne over the past week. Store owners are unable to explain the increase in demand.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Adieu Boys - His Majesty de St. Maurice and entourage review "les Anciens" as they march
off toward the Ardoberg frontier. This is the St. Maurice 1st Brigade and is composed of the regiments Navarre and Languedoc. To date, the brigade remains understrength, being composed of only the first battalion for each of the regiments. Recruitment is underway however, which simply means that drinking to excess anywhere in the kingdom may result in not only a hangover but a ten year enlistment.
His Majesty's expeditionary force for this campaign season include:
1st battalion Navarre
1st battalion Languedoc
1st battalion Clare
2nd battalion Clare
1st battalion St. Germain
2nd battalion St. Germain
light battalion Arquebusiers de Bergerac
"B" battery Royal Artillery Regiment
"A" battery Royal Horse Artillery
Rohan-Soubisse Cavalry
Fitz Andrew's Horse
Kilbasa Lancers
Next - The Campaign Begins